God Provides

Recently through a random chain of events, we were able to pay off our credit card.  We'd been working hard to save for the past couple years and were SLOWLY paying it off.  Then in December, we got in a car accident {praise the Lord we were not hurt badly} 

 Normally I would view this as a horrible event... BUT  due to an insurance pay out {yay for Aflac!}, a random winning of a drawing at our bank {$500!}, and the extra money we'd been saving in our savings account, we were able to pay off the last $3500! Praise the Lord! 

What a sigh of relief to have that payment taken away! And just as we made that last {big} payment to the credit card company, we got our first Infertility bill. And guess what? We were paying $200 a month on our credit card, and our bill for our Dr.'s office is $200 a month! I dont think we would have been able to pay both of those bills at the same time! 

God is good- and God provides~

in ways that are the least expected~

In Perfect Timing

Endo-what?!

Today was ultrasound number 1 of this cycle.

We were hopeful that the new medicine worked better~and I think it did a little~ we had the usual bunch of little follicles, but we also had a HUGE follicle. Bigger than I've ever had and it's still early on. Hopefully that's a good thing. It could also mean a cyst or hyperstimulation. It looked similar to the one below-- maybe a little smaller.  {This is NOT my ultrasound by the way} The picture below shows a cyst. My follicle measured 25 mm thought- which is crazy to me.  That's right around where they want them to be at the time of ovulation induction. Hopefully more of then grow to that size and that one stays the same! Hyperstimulation can cause hospitalization. It is very painful. Read more about it here.

Usually when we have Saturday ultrasounds I spend more time talking with the Dr. because we're the only ones there (his office isnt open on Saturday's). Today I was more worried about the possibility of Endometriosis. 

Now I had asked my old gynecologist about this about 7 years ago. After spending junior high and high school with the WORST periods {crippling cramps, heavy-LONG periods, throwing up} -sorry male readers :o) There were a few times in high school where I actually did pass out due to the pain. And I almost always threw up! So weird.

After I graduated I thought, I'm sick of this! I went in and asked if she thought I had this condition. She said maybe, but to try birth control pills. She also told me that it normally clears up after having children. Odd-- it can cause infertility but can also be cured by having children? What is that, some sort of sick joke?! Not cool! 

Anyway, birth control pills did the trick for me and I haven't had much of a problem since, even after I quit taking pills 2 years ago.  I did recently wonder though if I may have endometriosis still, after learning that my mom had it. So I asked Dr. O about it. He said he didnt have a reason to believe that I did, but it was a possibility we may have to explore if I'm still not pregnant. It does require SURGERY to diagnos so it wasn't something he wanted to jump to conclusions about. Makes sense I guess. Still does NOT sound or LOOK like a fun day.

Today at the ultrasound he started asking me questions about how bad my periods were, if I'd had surgery before, or if anyone in my family had endometriosis before.  

My heart sank. Dangit, I thought. What a setback! While it's not a "for sure" thing, it's a big possibility that this might be something linked to my infertility.  I do have some of the signs and symptoms- and if your mom or sister had it, then your SIX TIMES more likely to have it as well. Lucky me.

If we dont get pregnant this cycle, then looks like SURGERY is in the near future for me. Which means more money and more time. Not exactly what I wanted to hear.

Next ultrasound is Tuesday~hoping for a better prognosis then!

WTH!?!

It seems as if someone has announced their pregnancy EVERY month for the past 24 months. 

I'm pretty certain it's factual.

So then I came across this story today.

Doesn't sit well with us {infertile myrtle's}.

It's the kind of thing that makes you scratch your head.

Leaves you wondering "What the heck?"

Makes you say, "Really God? Really? Come on!"

But at the same time, it's a pretty amazing story. And I guess God must have a really big plan in this instance!

Read on- and scratch your heads with me!

Read Here... and Say Wow

Ultrasound tomorrow to see if the new medicine is working! Pray for good results!!!!

Bo Duke: All About My Pup

I decided to write the next 4 posts about my family. Me, Jacob and our animals Duke and Nala.

Starting with Duke!

Bo Duke

When we were engaged we got our first dog Ruger. He was the same breed as Duke. Cute as can be and a good hunter! Ruger was calm and sweet, but he was a sick pup. He only made it one year and we had to put him down due to Spinal Meningitis. 

We are not a family that does well without a dog in our lives. So immediately we began the search for a new puppy. We knew we wanted a German Shorthaired Pointer. Jacob wanted a bird dog, and they really are a loyal breed!

We soon found someone who had puppies for sale! We drove to look at the pups when they were only 4 weeks old. Duke was the only pup to run up to me. He took the hem of my jeans in his mouth and pulled on it. So cute! I picked him up and we noticed he had a "N" marking on his side. Perfect! 

We were in love.

A few weeks later we drove back up with a blanket in tow to pick up our new puppy.  We were having a heck of a time trying to name him-- but I had recently been watching a lot of "The Dukes Of Hazard" re-runs so we settled on Bo Duke! It's now shortened to Duke...unless he gets into trouble from me. Haha! 

{From My Perspective} Duke is:

A Lover

Sweet

Free-Spirited

A Baby

Really believes he is human

Cautious

Mama's Boy

A listening ear and a shoulder to cry on

A dancing partner

A workout partner

{From Jacob's Perspective} Duke is:

His favorite hunting buddy

Duke Loves To:

Snuggle

Go for rides

RUN!

Take walks

Play with any kind of ball he can find

Hunt

Have sleepovers with his best doggy friends Tanner and Honey

He loves our kitty Nala...and is actually tolerant of most cats

Duke Hates:

Being away from me and Jacob

Being left outside

Sleeping anywhere besides his bed or someone's bed

Water- unless he's fishing

Baths

Wrestling

When Jacob and I yell or get angry at eachother- he will bark and bark at us!

If he is on the bed or couch with me and someone walks into the room- he wont let them near me!

Vacuums

 On our old bed...can't believe we all used to sleep in this small bed!

 Me and Duke at the Vet

 Duke and Nala

 Honey & Duke

Hunting Buddies

 Riding in the back of the Mustang!

DOGS IN OUR LIVES

We are not house--proud

If we were, we would not live with the scratches on the door frame, the holes in the screen, the worn spots on the chair, or the dog hair clinging to our clothes.

We dog lovers are tolerant people, finding greater value in the love of our friend than immaculate sofas. 

Shoes can be replaced, but heroic retrieves cannot. 

Without dogs, our houses are cold receptacles for things.

Dogs make our living rooms warmer by their curled up presence.

The wake us, greet us, protect us and carve a place in our hearts and our history.

Another One Bites The Dust

Well this weekend the dreaded "Aunt Flo" came to visit. I really don't like her. She ruins plans, makes me sick, makes me ANGRY, sad, and hungry. Haha! 

Now mind you, I used to NEVER have PMS symptoms. When I was in High School I had cramps so bad I would pass out and throw up, but I never had food cravings, was never emotional, and never was angry at the drop of a hat.  Yeah... all that changed since starting to create a human being.  

I think it's a mixture of emotions and drugs. (Fertility drugs that is! Don't get crazy now) I can tell when it's coming on-- that's the only time when I want a Vanilla Coke and McDonald's. :o) 

When Aunt Flo pays a visit my heart sinks, I might cry, I might scream... it varies from month to month. Some months I can deal better with it than others and I never know what emotion will come out!

This month I was bummed. My heart did sink. I think I've mentioned before that I allow myself one day of wallowing in my misery. I did that. I stayed mostly to myself that day, along with my pup Duke to just relax.  Duke is my baby. I really dont know what I would do without him in my life-- I think i'll do a post just on Duke later on. :o)

Anyway, I bring Duke up because I was in the kitchen doing dishes, listening to music, when the song Another One Bites The Dust came on. I dont know why it made me feel better, but I stopped what I was doing and looked at Duke, who was looking at me knowingly, a little bit of sadness in his eyes, and then he wagged his little nub of a tail.  I took his arms and we danced around the kitchen singing:

"Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust"

Have you ever watched Marley and Me? 

There's that scene when Owen Wilson pulls into his driveway and sees Jennifer Aniston dancing with Marley in the window. It's such a picture of me and Duke. I know dogs relationships with their masters change when you have kids, but Duke will always be my {fur baby} and have a special, special, place in my heart!

Back to the subject. So today is Cycle Day 3 of this cycle.  That means its time to start the drugs.    This is also month 5. And i'm starting a new drug. I started out on Clomid. 50 mg, then 100 mg, then 150 mg, and finally 200 mg.  Didnt work so well on me. But it's the cheapest fertility drugs- maxing out around $50.  This new drug i'm on- Femara is a different story! I'm kind of scared to take it, but I also trust my Dr. so i'm moving forward.  It's a pretty serious drug. I made the mistake of taking Jacob to the pharmacy with me, I usually dont want him to worry about the cost of the drugs, and I did tell him early in the week that if we had to try a different drug that the price would jump way up. But he almost had a heart attack when he saw the receipt. $172 for 5 days of pills. And they're tiny tiny little things too! Yikes. I hope this works the first time around!

Next Saturday I'll have an ultrasound to see how this new drug worked in follicle producing!   

     

  Pray for 4-6 follies!

Brownie Pops

I was going to make these for Valentine's Day and then just ran out of time so I made them this weekend!

So simple to make although they were a little bit harder to keep together than I expected-- I'll have to work on finding a better way to keep the sticks in them- but most of them worked pretty good! I guess they have actual brownie pop molds out there but I just used my hands!

After the brownies are cooked and molded into the balls, I stuck the lollipop sticks in them and dipped them in melted chocolate (I just used baking chocolate and white chocolate chips), then sprinkled them with sprinkles!

They're SUPER yummy~and CUTE too! :o) Perfect for parties or birthdays!

{ENJOY!}

Marriage Edition!

I just want to go on the record {again} to say how much I HATE the video game "Call of Duty." I really hate ALL video games, but this one has the rare ability to instantaneously put me in a bad mood.

Maybe it's because if I try to talk to my husband while he's playing he just stares blankly at the screen and continues pushing buttons.  

Maybe it's this ridiculous headset-- which he tried to hide how much he spent on it!! Nice try!

Maybe it's the constant sound of bombs, machine guns, and phrases like "UAV online..."

Could it be that it's horribly addicting-- especially when you can go online with all your guy friends and play for HOURS. Literally.

Yes to {all the above}.

Call of Duty has caused NUMEROUS fights in the past 2 years it's came into our lives. I think if you buy this game you should have to have mandatory counseling sessions. 

See...even the dog tries to get his attention when he's playing!  Duke shows what my expression is like perfectly. uuggghhhh!  :o) haha!

Ok, i'm done now.  

And I  love you babe.

But I still hate that game!

Facts About Miscarriage

I thought I'd follow up my previous post with some facts about miscarriages.


It's not a subject that a lot of people talk about and I sure didnt know much about it before I had one myself. I didn't know what to say to someone who had gone through this, I didn't know what it would feel like. I want to educate everyone about this.


Miscarriage happens in almost 25% of pregnancies. Maybe even up to 1 in 3 pregnancies! It's actually a pretty common occurrence! 


Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester- most commonly between the 7th and 14th week. 75% of early losses occur before 12 weeks.


It may surprise some of you to learn that miscarriage is actually a birth! The pain you feel during miscarriage is labor much like that of childbirth. I can attest to this pain and can rest assured in my decision to get an epidural should I ever get to give birth! haha! No toughing it out for me! :o)

The delivery occurs because the uterus contracts and the cervix opens. Some women bleed a lot, and even scare them and cramping usually occurs.  This doesnt happen in everyone though. There are some women that need a D&C (Dilation and curettage) to prevent prolonged bleeding and infection.

The major causes of miscarriage in the first 12 weeks is random, genetic errors which result in incorrect development of the baby. This is what most doctors will tell you-- "It's just a genetic defect. Your baby would have been deformed anyway..." It doesnt really give you that much peace and closure, but I guess that's just the the plain old facts. These are not preventable.

Another known cause is low progesterone levels. {which is what I found out that I have} Progesterone is the hormone that maintains the lining of the uterus so it can support the growth of the fertilized egg. This CAN be treated with supplement of natural progesterin in future pregnancies.

Some other causes:

• Incompetent Cervix (see here)
• Blighted Ovum (see here)

Here are some things that are known to NOT cause miscarriage. A lot of women stress that they "did something wrong" and that's why they miscarried. Simply not true!

• Previous use of an IUD
• Use of birth control
• Work, Exercise or sports
• Sex
• Occasional use of over the counter medicines or alcohol
• Anxiety

There are also many different ways to react to a miscarriage. Each woman's emotions are different. None of them are right or wrong. They just are. Some may be devastated by it, others may feel like it's just an experience they have to live through. You may mourn--deeply, a little, or somewhere in between. It is as normal not to grieve as it is to be devastated.  All of these reactions are normal.

Here's some good news for those of you have endured this: The success of pregnancy following one or even two miscarriages is better than previously thought. Your chances of having a healthy baby after one or two miscarriages is about the same as if you have never had a miscarriage. Good news!

Toaster Fiasco

I came home this evening to find Nala, my cat, on the kitchen counter, cookbooks knocked over, toaster scooted away from the wall. She was batting at the toaster. She's a curious little thing, always getting into things so I shooed her, but she would not move! She kept sticking her paw in the toaster. I reluctantly looked in there... nothing. I then proceeded to start loading the dishwasher. I looked over at the cookbooks and noticed mouse poop! 

Jacob then walked in the door. "Jacob! Do you think this is mouse poop?" I asked. "Oh yeah, I think there's a mouse in the house." What!? And you didnt bother to tell me OR get a trap!!??

He looks into the toaster and proclaims there's poop INSIDE the toaster. He shakes it around a little and walks away. I keep loading the dishwasher while he's opening cupboards and trying to get the cat to go in them.  All of the sudden the mouse JUMPS OUT of the toaster!!!! And Nala snags it! I'm screaming, Duke's running around and Nala takes off to our bedroom with the mouse in tow. Jacob chased her around and we finally got her outside! She's been playing with it forever out there... she'd better kill it!!

Oh, by the way, I threw the toaster AWAY. So disgusting. I wonder how long that thing lived in there.

February 13, 2011

This date has significance to me. And here's why:

Back in at the very beginning of June, I took a little test (pee'd on a stick!) and to my UTTER SHOCK it was positive! This was after months of trying, a few doctors visits, and it was my first cycle using the progesterone pills. I remember taking about 3 tests just to make sure! It was almost father's day weekend so I printed off a picture of the positive pregnancy test and put it in a fathers day card for Jacob. When he got home, I had him open it- it took him a second, but once he figured it out he was SO excited! He wanted to tell the whole world! I told him we each got to tell ONE person that day and we'd tell our parents soon after. It was so early on and everyone says to wait so that's what I planned on doing.  

Shortly after, we told our parents who were both  ecstatic, and like {finally!} And we told our siblings and a couple of close friends. It was hard to not rush out and tell everyone, and especially hard to keep a secret since I had to stop playing on my softball team! What was I going to tell them?! 

Well I didnt have to worry about that for long. 

About a week later I went to the mall with my mom and cousin. I hadn't been feeling that well that morning but who really feels that well in their first few weeks of pregnancy? When we got to Macy's, as soon as we got upstairs, I felt nauseous and week. I was crampy. I went to the restroom and my heart sank. My lungs gave out. My head instantly went blank. Then panick. Blood. And lot's of it. I screamed, "no! no!" not caring who was in the bathroom and ran out and told my mom what was going on. I told her I was going to go call Jacob and have him come get me and I went out to the car. I barely made it there I was in so much pain, physically & emotionally. I called Jacob and he immediately left his office to come get me. I crawled into my moms suburban and laid down, the cramps by now were so bad I couldn't help but scream. 

I prayed. I cried. I begged.  I cursed.

My mom came out and we tried to call the doctor, but their office is closed on Fridays and it's not an "emergency" if you're not over 16 weeks. We couldnt get through. My mom decided to take me to Kadlec ER. On the way there, I started puking. 

By time  we got to the ER I think most of the tissue has past because my nausea had gone away for the most part and my cramps were lessening. Although I was starting to go into shock. Jacob met me in the ER,  with the triage nurse, in a wheelchair, his eyes bloodshot and swollen from tears on the way to me.  

As they got me into a room and into my gown, thats when the shock hit. My body went ice cold and shaking uncontrollably. I could not stop and could not get warm. The nurses were so nice and piled the blankets on.  

After blood tests and an ultra sound it was confirmed that I had completly miscarried.  

Where do you go from here? Walking out of the hospital, with an empty womb that hours ago WAS carrying our precious baby, was one of the worst experiences of my life.  We were numb. We didnt know what to say, where to go, what to do next. So we went to McDonald’s to get a milkshake. 

At this point only my parents and cousin knew about what had happened.  We knew we had to tell Jacob’s parents, but how do you break that news to people? Hey, we just lost the baby is not a natural thing that comes out of your mouth everyday.  I remember sitting in the parking lot at Mcdonalds in Kennewick and watching as Jacob attempted to call his parents.  He couldnt bare the thought of telling his mom, so he called his dad’s phone.  But when his mom answered all he could managed to get out was hi mom… before he burst out into tears and hung up the phone.  

We sat there together, me holding him this time, both grieving for what we had lost. When we got home, although it was still early in the afternoon, we curled up together in bed with our dog and slept and slept hard.  

In those next few days I poured over research on miscarriages, luteal phase defects, infertility treatments.  I did find that there is a very close correlation to low progesterone being a factor in early miscarriage, which was why I was on progesterone supplements.  So why didnt my doctor keep me on the progesterone? I called her that next day and it took me getting through two receptionists, about 3 different phone calls, and a nurse to finally get an appointment. And I had to demand one pretty much. I could not believe all the hassle just to talk to my doctor after the horrific experience I’d just endured. 

When we got to the appointment, my doctor had nothing to say. “I’m sorry for your loss. One in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It’s normally the result of a genetic defect…” And that was that. No assurance, nothing about how to deal with this loss, nothing about the fact that they COULD have monitored me closer and perhaps checked my progesterone levels before they got so low. Onto the next client. Again, we were walking out of a doctors office lost.

I was glad for the nurses at Kadlec at this point-- they gave me brochures on miscarriage, a pamphlet for family and friends on how to help with grieving parents, and such. They were genuinely sad with me. I cant say the same about the actual ER Dr. But he IS a guy, and I guess I cant expect him to be that emotionally involved. 

February 13, 2011. My due date. My baby {im pretty sure it was a girl} would have been born today.

Weird to think about. Sad. But thanks be to God, I'm ok. I'm not grieving. There was a time for that, and it was healed. And I wouldn't give up what I've learned these last 9 months, how Jacob and I have grown, for anything. It was all a part of God's plan. And I will see my precious baby in heaven someday. I'm trusting in the Lord's great plan, the plan that is way better and is in much better timing than my own. And I know his plans for me are good.

Problem#2: I'm a ninja

Yep. I'm a ninja. Well...at least a certain "part" of my body is. 

We found out about this handy little fact back in October during the Post Coital test that I've mentioned in previous posts. This was where they (tmi alert!) take the sperm out of the woman shortly after they've had intercourse. Ya, there's NOOO dignity in this. So awkward.

Anyway, they took the sperm and put it under a microscope. Shortly after, Dr.O came into the room and said, "Yep... there's a lotta dead sperm in there!" Dang! I really didnt want to be the one killing off my potential children! Let me note so my husband doesn't get mad at me... he has been tested and everything with him is A-Ok! :o)

Sometimes you and you're partner's bodily fluids just don't agree with each other. Sometimes there's an allergy. Or it could be due to medicine. We don't really know what the cause is for my ninja abilities. But that's what the IUI is for. It by-passes those ninja's, takes a little detour to get to it's destination.

 So now, I talk very sweetly to those little guys before they swim away inside of me. And I give my ovaries a pep talk and demand that they be nice! We'll see if it works!

Problem #1 : Luteal Phase Defect

When I first began wondering if something was wrong 2 years ago, I found out that I had a luteal phase defect.  A luteal phase defect is when the time between ovulation and the next menses is less than 10 days.  10-14 days is what an average women's luteal phase is. Anything less than 10 days cannot support a pregnancy. 

How did I find this out you ask? Basal Body Temperature Charting. Back to the good old fashioned days of family planning. You use a handy little thermometer like this:

Here's the sucky thing about charting: you have to take your temperature at the EXACT moment you wake up in the morning. And preferably at the same time each day. No rolling over, no sitting up, drinking water...just grab your thermometer.  This is especially hard for me because i'm not a good sleeper. I wake up many times during the night and I never wake up at the same time. Luckily, I'm not one of those women whose temps vary dramatically if I take it at a different time!

Anyway, after 3 months of charting I found that my luteal phase was only 4 days long!!! Not good! So when I brought this up to my previous gynecologist she prescribed me progesterone pills. (note:she did not do a blood progesterone test, which she SHOULD have...and i'll come back to this point in a later post) Progesterone is a natural hormone that your body produces during the luteal phase. (unless you have the luteal phase defect in which your body fails to produce adequate amounts of progesterone) Progesterone rises in the blood following ovulation, peaks on days 5-9, and then declines and ideally day 26 should be shortly before a menstrual period. It's responsible for building and maintaining a lining of the uterus into which the fertilized egg can implant and continue to grow.

Here's what a "normal" chart looks like. This is mine while I'm taking the progesterone. Notice how levels are lower right after menses and then rise after ovulation, tapering off again when menses starts.

This is a chart of mine BEFORE progesterone supplements. Notice how my temps are all over the place. Haha! My first attempt at charting. But more importantly, the luteal phase. Definitely not normal!

This is what my progesterone supplements look like:

They remind me of little fish eggs!

The good thing about luteal phase defects is that you can "fix" the problem! Thank goodness for these little pills! Even if they do give you headaches!


Tomorrow's agenda: Problem #2: Hostile Environments.

Lazy Saturday's & What I'm Loving Today!

Jacob and I have both been sick for the past few days. I started feeling sick Thursday night. Hopefully mine wont be as bad as Jacob's! Our poor Pup Duke has been going stir crazy in the house so we took him to the school to run--his favorite thing to do--and for us to get some fresh air from being stuck inside.

I thought it was so funny that Jacob was swinging and says "Oh my gosh I'm going SOO high!" I thought he was joking. He was serious. Haha! Yeah... Jacob, so high!

He then got on the rolly thing (the picture of me above) and says, "Geez, playgrounds are dangerous!" LOL. I had to get on it and show him how to use it safely. :o)

What I'm Loving Today!

Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts.  They just taste better when they're heart shaped!

HUE Jeggings! I have tried on countless "skinny jeans" and can never find ones that fit right. But these are perfect! They're comfty and look like real jeans! And only $34 at Macy's!

Apple Cider Vinegar and Raw Organic Honey.  You can see the benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar here. Honey has been a well known home remedy for sore throats and coughs. I've been mixing the two with my tea a few times a day these past two days since I started coughing and feeling sick. I think it's helping!

Tombstone. One of my all time favorite movies. Great for sick days laying on the couch!

Marriage Edition!

I thought I'd share one of my favorite "Marriage Editions" from the past. We have a lot of stories about me being sick vs Jacob being sick. I think all you women can relate! :o)

 

 

 

2009

Jacob The Husband

A Parody

by Tiffany Neighbors

Recently Tiffany had her wisdom teeth out. Surgical removed. All four.
She was on heavy duty pain meds, with not only holes in her mouth, but a hole in her sinus as well.

Poor Tiffany. Good thing she had her husband Jacob to take care of her.

Jacob brought her home and put her in bed, closing the door behind him. He played video games in the other room, made some hot cocoa, and then got bored and went back to work.

Jacob forgot to turn the stove off. Good thing Tiffany's mom came by to check on her. She was dead asleep. Tiffany might have burned to death in a housefire.

The next day, Jacob got a cold.
Poor Jacob. He thinks he's dying.  He tries to get Tiffany to move from her spot on the couch. Tiffany is too out of it and in too much pain to move. Jacob is angry. He wants to be taken care of.

Tiffany's friends bring her a milkshake to help her feel better. Jacob’s still not feeling well and wants to have her milkshake. Tiffany has to share.

Tiffany can't get out of bed and walk around so the house is a mess. Jacob wants it to be clean. Jacob wakes her up one evening and says, "we're out of toilet paper. Go get some."  Tiffany sleeps and doesn’t wake up.

A week later Tiffany is healed and feeling better. She cleans the house, gets toilet paper and makes dinner.

Jacob comes home and sees all this is done. He jumps up and down with joy and says, "I'm so happy you're feeling better! I might've starved to death!"

The End

I still love ya honey!!!!

(Us at Lost Tracks Golf Course in Bend... right after I beat the pants off Jacob!)

Awkward Encounters

Here's us at the Dr.'s Office today! 

All went well. 

Although I'm currently lying on the couch because I can't stand up straight to walk just quite yet. 

Anyhow, we are now in the  "Two Week Wait". 

It's always the toughest part of the month with emotions raging all over the place and seems to take FOREVER.

I thought I'd share with you some of the awkward encounters we've had at the Dr's. Office:

1.  I wasnt prepared for the Post Coital test when Dr. Ortolano called and said, "We need to do that test today. Can you be here in 45 minutes?" Umm... yeah I only have a house full of my husbands friends. So I went out into the living room and said, "Well boys, you gotta leave. Jacob and I've got some business to do." Haha. They shot out of the house so fast.
2. Jacob's very first time meeting Dr. Ortolano, during the post coital test, Dr. O makes some remark about something being too big...and Jacob says "that's what she said" while i'm lying on the table, spread eagle. His first attempt at making Dr.O laugh. Didnt work. 
3. Jacob's second attempt at making Dr. O laugh: Dr.O "You had a good sperm sample today." Jacob: "Yeah i'm getting used to doing this in a cup." Dr. O laughs. "Let's NOT get used to that."
4. Nurse to Jacob "Are you going to be coming tomorrow" Jacob: "I was planning on it." (use your imagination with this one) No laugh from the nurse.
5. Dr. O consistently telling me, "Oh I like your socks today." Ya. You're not really looking at my socks buddy.
6. Dr. O asking me if I wanted him to just "punch it in" rather than going slow. He said, "I had a lady tell me to do that. She thought it would help her odds of getting pregnant but I wouldnt recommend that. That would hurt." Haha! Punch it in doc.

Game Day

I'm over my down in the dumps mood now. haha.

Today was game day. :o) Tomorrow is game day #2. My doctor does back to back IUI's to increase the chances.{or maybe to get more money? who knows! }

IUI 101:
Intrauterine Insemination.
Doesnt it just sound awful? It reminds me of 7th grade, when artificial insemination first came about. On sheep. And cows.  Sometimes I feel like a cow when I'm there!!!

It's a very awkward procedure. For BOTH the male and female. I'll share stories about that some other day. The actual IUI takes only minutes, but preparing for it takes forever. And my doctors office is slammed all the time so it takes even longer.

If you want to know more about IUI, check it out  HERE.

Have you seen The Backup Plan?

 There's a scene where Jennifer Lopez is going through an IUI. Of course, she's not actually doing it so she still looks all lovely and is in no pain. It's still pretty funny though. I however, usually look like a mess by the time it's over. I'm either crying or in extreme pain.  Now for some girls, there's not a whole lot of discomfort. But for me, I take 4 advil, i've tried before and after and it cramps like a mother! Then you have to lay there for 20 minutes while your in pain. Ah such a small price to pay I guess. And why do they make you lie there forever with just a towel draped over you? Umm...uncomfortable. Then today the nurses were SO not on their game. No offense to you nurses out there-- your job is a hard one-- but man i've had bad luck with them. Three times a nurse walked into my room thinking I was someone else.  You may not think it's a big deal but when you're lying there half naked on a table, or your husband is trying to supply his sample (for lack of better terms) it's a little awkward. Really people? Remember where you put your patients! There ARE 2 nurses there that I do love though so I guess that makes up for the other bad ones.

Before I say more about the IUI, this is what my ovulation predictor test looks like the day after the hcg shot. The smiley face is so inviting.  It makes me happy. This just makes sure my body is doing what it's supposed to. And for those of you trying to get pregnant, a handy little tool to help decipher when to do the baby dance.

 

The first time I did the IUI procedure I had NO clue what to expect. 

The day before I had done a test called a Post Coital Test.  I thought it would be similar. 

Boy was I wrong! I didnt know it would be painful and so afterwords I went into complete shock. Like bawling, shaking, and all that. Haha. Poor Jacob didnt know what to do.  It's still painful everytime, you'd think it'd get easier but it doesnt!  One out of the 8 i've done so far (2 each cycle) has been painless. My doctor always tells me, "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." Me either. Well... maybe my worst enemy. What?! :o)

I told you yesterday my darling husband was sick. He was a trooper today! Came to the office in his sweats, hacking away. Got the job done. The nurses told him not to die on them today. He went to our normal family doctor today and he's got asthma induced bronchitis. Poor thing. He's got an inhaler now he has to use everyday. Asthma and acid reflux dont really mix well. :o(

Tomorrow is game day #2! I'll update then!

Swim sperm swim! You don't have that far to go! :o)

If any of you have any questions about this process, what something means, or want to hear about a certain event... let me know! I'm happy to share!

Venting

 Today things didnt turn out quite the way I'd hoped at the ultrasound.  I only had one good follicle and maybe one other one that could work. Disappointing after 4 tries, but like they say, you only need one.

Regardless, I got the HCG shot after the ultrasound and was on my way. 

It stings a little- but pretty much painless. This will make me ovulate.

Tomorrow is "Game Time". We start the IUI process-- Round 4. I'll talk more about IUI tomorrow.

I'd like to say I'm going into this with as much hope and gusto as I did the first time around, but I'm not.  Partly because I really wanted to see 4 follicles, and secondly because Jacob is sick.  Those of you who know Jacob, this means the end of the world has arrived. I feel bad for him, I do, it's not really his fault that his acid reflux causes him to aspirate into the lungs and cause problems but seriously can we get a break here! One of us has been sick every month since we started this process! This makes the whole baby making a little more difficult. But... power through! We just gotta do it. Send prayers Jacob's way for good health!

Today was one of those days where I was just in a funk. Just tired of the process. Frustrated with the waiting. Confused and asking why me. 

Have you ever been to the mall on a weekday? It's CRAWLING with young moms and their babies and PREGNANT ladies. Hi, everywhere I look there's new life! In the past year and a half I've watched 24 of my friends get the joy of announcing their pregnancy. 24!!! And that's just my friends and the ones I can remember!!  Really? 24 and not one of them experienced any difficulty in getting pregnant? It doesn't seem fair sometimes. 

Dont feel bad if you are one of those 24. Because even though I may not show it, I really am happy for you. There's nothing better than getting to enjoy that time.  I can recall countless times where I've seen those dreaded announcements on facebook. Or heard from their own mouths. Each time it takes me aback. A lot of times I cry. I remember one time I cried through an entire church service after learning of a friends pregnancy. I only allow myself one day of being depressed. When we first started this process I would get so depressed for days and I just cant allow myself to stay in that state. Gotta keep the faith! Keep moving on. There's nothing you can do and wallowing around will not help.

Last month, we finally came to a place where we were ok with adoption. I was actually kind of excited about it. I wanted to throw in the towel and go full force into it. But we prayed, and we feel like now is not the time for that. Maybe later. But not now. We need to continue this process for awhile. I dont have to like it--but I feel like that's the path God wants us on right now. 

I once heard someone describe infertility as "Living On A Bridge." I couldnt agree more. The land side is a season of having children and experiencing the joy of parenthood. The other side is a season of being married without kids. It's like being stuck in traffic-- there's nothing worse than waisting your time just sitting at a standstill, especially when you've got places to be! And if your stuck on a bridge, there's nowhere to go. No detours. You cant turn to the left or the right. There are no shortcuts.  

I saw this video on a fellow TTC (trying to conceive) site. It's a good representation of how I feel sometimes.

I Would Die For That 

I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that God is good. His intentions are good. He has my best interests at heart and knows my end from my beginning. Whatever the course He has for me, I will faithfully follow. Even when it hurts. Even when I dont understand. Even when I'm angry. Even when i'm sad.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight

Proverbs 3:5