Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Starting All Over

Today I had my appointment with the new doctor.

I had mixed feelings about it today. But I think I'm at peace with it now.

1. I LOVE the clinic. Everyone was super efficient (nice change of pace), very friendly (hallelujah), and FAST (praise the Lord)!

2. I like the new doctor. He is very friendly, warm, and caring.

3. The nurse is anal about "time management" in the office. (I told her about how I had to wait hours to see Dr.O and she flipped out. haha!)

I guess I was more nervous going into it than I thought. I haven't had to really worry about TTC since before my surgery in April so the pressure has been off.

I have a cold so I wasnt feeling my best today, and when I got there they informed me that Dr. O's office had STILL not faxed over my records, which I have been working on getting for a couple weeks. I actually told them yesterday I NEED these faxed today because my appointment is tomorrow. Do you think they can do that simple task? Nope. I called while in the waiting room and of course they made up some excuse and didn't fax them over until AFTER my appointment was done. So I was a little on edge anyways when the appt started, then I had to try and remember everything we've done so I could tell the new doctor and I was just a mess. 

My new Dr. (Dr. V) listened and we thinks that we do NOT need to do the IUI's.  This is what really confused me and sort of sent me over the edge. I don't understand why the heck we were doing IUI's in the first place (other than Dr.O said I was killing off the sperm due to a Post Coital test, but Dr. V insists that this test is outdated and inaccurate and endometriosis is the cause of my infertility).

SO... new game plan... in two weeks we start up my cycle, assuming it doesnt start on its own, which it probably wont-- then we start clomid and hcg trigger shot and try naturally.  Jacob was thrilled about this and really feels good about the new doctor, clinic, and plan.  I was just so overwhelmed and confused and emotional about starting ALL over again I couldnt really do anything but cry everytime I tried to talk about it. I guess we've been doing things so differently and seemingly "aggressively" with Dr.O that this seems like going WAY back to the drawing board, trying naturally. Almost like, there's no possible way that will work. I just dont think I can handle going through all of this for another year again. I feel like this is not the aggressive avenue. Those are just my fears coming out.

But, at the same time, God has a plan. He knows what He's doing. I'm here in this place, in this new clinic, and moving forward with this new plan for a reason. I need to let go of my fear. That's really what the emotions are all about. Fear of the "what ifs". Fear of failure. Fear of losing time, losing money, losing hope... 

And then I read this: {From Max Lucado}

"Why are you fearful, O you of little faith? --Matthew 8:26

For all the noise fear makes and room it takes, fear does little good. Fear never wrote a symphony, or poem, negotiated a peace treaty, or cured a disease. Fear never saved a marriage or a business. Courage did that. Faith did that. People who refused to consult or cower to their timidities did that.

Jesus takes our fears seriously. The one statement He made more than any other was this: don't be afraid.  "Do not be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows." (Matt. 10:31) "Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." (Luke 12:32)

Jesus is asking me, asking all of us, "Why are you afraid?"  And honestly... why are we?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Funny Dog Videos

These two YouTube videos have entertained me quite a bit lately.  
They're still so funny to me, even after about 10th time I've watched them so I thought I would share.


"Denver The Guilty Dog"

"Talking Dog"

Monday, November 7, 2011

Blessings List

{Still} Continuing my Blessings List....

191. A husband that sticks up for me
192. 5 dollar footlongs at Subway (with chipotle southwest sauce!)
193. A dear friend staying over
194. Lunch at Taste of Thai
195. The new iPhone in the mail!
196. Pheasant hunting with family
197. Elk Camp
198. The beauty of the first snow!
199. Marketside Fresh Garden Salsa from die for!
200. Guacamole Fresca
201. Families coming together for meals
202. Families & friends camping together
203. Laughter that makes you cry
204. Walks with Whit & Honey (those are some of my favorite parts of the week Whit!) :o)
205. Schwann's Man delivery (I LOVE their chicken cordon blue & their frozen veggie mixes!)
206. Hot drinks in the now very chilly weather!
207. Advocare Cleanse-- I'll post on this later!
208. News of a friends court date to FINALLY get their baby girl in Ethiopia! {Yay Angela!}
209. Preparing for holiday parties
210. Sneaking a Christmas song or two...
211. Pulling kids on the sled, even if there's barely any snow on the ground!
212. Space heaters