More Drugs

So I called the nurse Wednesday, didnt get a call back until Thursday evening where I explained I was miserable with the side effects of the Lupron and even more miserable with the constant bleeding.  She said she would talk to Dr.O and get back to me. So today she called back and I was HOPING they would say stop taking lupron and we'll just move on.

Nope- what did they do? Give me MORE DRUGS. I might have had a minor breakdown. 

I hate taking medicine unless I'm "actually" sick. I just think it's doing more harm than good pumping me full of hormones and crap. I've really been struggling with this lately. I've been a little depressed and slightly worried. I mean, these aren't just your typical antibiotics. I dont get to stop taking them after a week. These are heavy duty, serious side effects, potentially some big problems down the road kind of drugs. Obviously doctors give them to you because they think those risks outweigh the current issue, but still.  I'm just not comfortable with it.  But I'm also not comfortable just giving up this whole infertility process quite yet.  I feel like I'm stuck and dont know where to go.

A good friend of mine wrote this on her blog and it's very fitting:

Corrie ten Boom used to say, "When the train goes through a tunnel and the world gets dark, do you jump out? Of course not. You sit still and trust the engineer to get you through." 

We need to hear that God is still in control. We need to hear that it's not over until he says so. We need to hear that life's mishaps and tragedies are not a reason to bail out. They are simply a reason to sit tight.  

Next time your disappointed, don't panic. Don't jump out. Don't give up. Just be patient and let God remind you he's still in control. It ain't over till it's over.

 

So here I am. Waiting on God. Praying for direction. Praying He will get me through this storm. Sitting on the train, scared and confused in the dark, but nonetheless trusting the engineer to get us to the light at the end of the tunnel. Trusting that God is in control. Trying to "hear" that it's not over until He says so. And determined not to bail out.