Friday, March 25, 2011

I Trust in You Lord

PSALM 31

Verse 6
I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
   for you saw my affliction
   and knew the anguish of my soul.
Verse 15
  My times are in your hands; 
How abundant are the good things
   that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
   on those who take refuge in you.  
Verse 14
But I trust in you, LORD;
   I say, “You are my God.” 



Trust has been hard lately. And its not that I "don't" trust God, it's more that I question Him and His timing. I know God's timing is perfect. I know He has good things stored up for me, He knows the anguish of my soul, my time is in His hands.

It helps to say these verses~these promises~over and over to keep reminding myself.  I'm really not in a place of depression. I'm not angry. I guess I'm just being impatient. I feel a little lost...like I'm in limbo. Where's my kicker? (anyone watch Inception? haha) Jacob and I are both open to adoption. I feel like we probably will adopt someday.  I dont know if now is the time. Maybe it is, but we haven't felt that calling quite yet.  This is where I wish my direction from God would be clear. Yes adopt now, or wait, you'll get pregnant on your own. I want to start the process now if that's the road we are to take. I'm at a standstill right now. At a three way stop sign stuck in the middle. Going backwards a little even. No meds this cycle. No IUI. Waiting...

This week I found out I am definitely having the laparoscopic surgery. They will take out any remaining cysts and any endometriosis they find. I'm guessing they will find a lot! Anyway, I was happy to get the call~I've been wanting to have this surgery done for awhile now. This last cycle when I had to go home from work due to bad cramps was my last straw. I was going to FORCE my doctor to do the surgery! I'm sick of these ridiculous cramps! 

My surgery is scheduled for April 29. I was bummed I have to wait a whole month but that's what happens when you go to a popular Dr and popular hospital I guess! I'm excited to see what will become of the surgery. I am on a waiting list to get in sooner, but I'm no real hopeful that that will actually happen. (But praying it does!)


3 comments:

Amy and Kyle said...

Hi Tiffany,

I will be thinking about you as you prepare for this surgery. I have had four of these surgeries and each time they found extensive Endo. :( Last May was my most recent surgery. I saw my Dr a few weeks ago and he said although he felt like surgery may be needed, he was going to try and hold off as long as we could because we are debating about doing an IUI. We have so many things we are considering right now. I too am going through rediculous cramps each month. Who am I kidding? I hurt just about all the stinkin time. And it's miserable. I've written my Endo story for my blog....

www.findingjoythroughmyjourney.blogspot.com

But I'm so hesitate to even post it because it's so personal and I don't know how people will take it....I've had it written for awhile and my husband told me I should post it so that other women just like you can read it and relate to it. I just can't decide if I want to air out such personal things.......

I am praying for you Tiffany and I'd love to get to know you better so that we can encourage one another through this!

Hope you have a good weekend!
Amy
amyrbrooker@hotmail.com
www.asouthernlove.blogspot.com
www.findingjoythroughmyjourney.blogspot.com

Megan said...

I truly know how you are feeling right now. In 2008 when I found out that I had cervical cancer in addition to the PCOS I had dealt with for years, we were faced with a scary surgery and the reality that we would never have children. We were at the point of thinking about adoption in the near future, although we desperately wanted our own. I think I put the thought of adoption out of my mind because I just didn't want to face the fact that I was "broken". I had new fertility drugs on a few perscription sheets to take in to the pharmacy... decided I just didn't want to go through it anymore... put them in my Bible and told God we would wait a bit and just pray. 2 months later, pregnant.
Not saying I think it will end up this way for you two (although I desperately hope and pray it will). Just know that I really DO know (and Michael knows) the struggle you are facing. I pray for you daily and I know that whatever the answer is, adoption or pregnancy or both, God will make it clear to you in His time. He is preparing you both to be incredible parents. Enjoy the blessing of just being together for as long as God has planned. ((BIG HUGS))

Amy and Kyle said...

Hey Tiffany!

Could you email me at amyrbrooker@hotmail.com?

I can't seem to find your email address.....

I'd love to have you share your story! Thanks friend!

Hoping to hear from you soon so we can talk more about that!

Hope you had a good weekend!