"Infertile." Such a nasty word. A word I lived with for almost 3 years up until (almost) 11 weeks ago. I know there's still a lot of my friends and blog followers out there that are still dealing with this. I told myself that when my time came, I wouldnt "forget" what it was like, I wouldn't forget the road we traveled, I wouldn't forget the pain I suffered so that I would be able to look back and truly appreciate the gift I've been given. So that I could offer up hope, healing, and support to those who are suffering through the same trials I have been through.
So I thought I would give a little advice to those of you who are still waiting, still in the process of IUI's, IVF's, drugs, shots, and all that other crap we have to go through. Here it goes:
1. Don't live for next week, next month, next cycle... enjoy life now:
I did this for quite some time. Tracking my temperature every morning, using the daily ovulation kits, doing the baby dance on the "right days'... it can consume your life. It wasn't until this past February that I started to live for other things. And it still really didn't get perfected until late summer. Planning trips (lots of them this year!), parties, fun things to keep me busy, was a HUGE help. It gave me something else to look forward to and focus on. Plus, I got to spend a great deal of quality one on one time with my husband.
2. Write out a plan:
It stinks to walk through the infertility process of not knowing month by month. But what made it a little easier on us was that we had a plan. We knew that we would give each different procedure x amount of time before we moved on to the next. Whether that be moving on from IUI to IVF, or moving to a different clinic or doctor, or moving onto adoption, it helps to know that you have options and you will be a mama someday no matter what avenue you go through. I researched each option and knew that if we did IVF we would go "here"; if we did decide on adoption, we would use "this" agency. I even contacted the adoption agency for info and a contact person. It just helped put my mind at ease.
3. Surround yourself with support:
I had a great support system. My friends and family were very supportive and I was open and honest about our process and how I was feeling about things. Keeping your emotions inside only makes things worse. (for me anyway) You also need a good support system of those in the same situation as you, or those who have been in the same situation. I had a few friends and family who had gone through infertility, and I follow a lot of blogs dealing with infertility. Seeing the success stories gave me hope and courage to continue on, and knowing I was not alone out there was a big help too.
4. Save Money:
We started saving about a year into the process. We realized it was taking longer than expected, and was costing way more than we thought. Building up a savings gave us the ability to continue on with our plan, and also gave us the option of having other options such as IVF and adoption.
5. Pray:
Of course, there is only so much we can do on our own when trying to get pregnant. Ultimately it is up to God when the time is right. I did a LOT of praying. Ok, probably a lot of begging too. But a couple months before I got pregnant I started changing the way I prayed. Instead of telling God how mad I was all the time and asking him why, I started THANKING Him for the position He put us in. Thanking Him for strengthening me through these trials. Thanking Him for giving Jacob and I such a wonderful life and marriage, for giving us a great year filled with so many fun trips and blessings, and for 6 wonderful years together with just the two of us. It was such a good feeling to thank and praise instead of beg and plead. There is a time for both yes, but taking the focus off ourselves is a good thing.
Infertility never leaves you. It will always be a part of you. I still find myself crying during worship at church- both for being so thankful, so scared, and hurting for those who are still on their journey; being scared and anxious of all the "what if's"... but I know it has definitely made me a stronger person. Our marriage is stronger. We are more prepared. It was God's perfect timing, in his perfect plan, and we are still leaning and trusting on Him to help get us all the way through this pregnancy.
I hope and pray that some of you will find this uplifting and hope-giving. Know that I
do know where you are right now. I feel your pain, your frustrations, your sorrow, your hopelessness. But also know that someday- you WILL come out of it. It may not be as
soon as you want it to, or even
how you wanted it to, but God is
faithful and He has a
perfect plan for you.
