A "Planners" Worst Nightmare

I am a planner. I {try to} plan out my meals, I plan trips {in fact, that's part of my job, to plan incentive trips!} plan, plan, plan.  Now don't get me wrong, I like to be spontaneous sometimes- but if I HAVE something planned, even if its just in my head, if something detours that plan I am not a happy camper. It stresses me out.

Infertility is a "planners" worst nightmare.

Two years ago- yes, we've just passed the two year mark of "actively trying to conceive"--I had things planned out. When I got off birth control we were careful for a few months until after our big summer vacation (because I wanted to go on the rides at Disney World-ha!). During our trip, everything was out the window. I figured, sweet, this will be perfect. We'll get pregnant right away, be close in age to my nephew and friends kids, it'll be great! Ya... NO.

Talk about God trying to teach someone patience. Teach someone trust. Teach someone to let it go.

I think He's succeeded!

These last two months have been a nice break. My body needed a break from the pills and procedures.  I've never been so weak and sick in my life! During the past 7 months of the fertility procedures I've had 2 bouts of bronchitis, a sinus infection, muscle issues, and stress, stress, stress! A recent blood test revealed high levels of cortisol. Hmm... wonder why!? Jacob and I have enjoyed just living~not worrying about ttc. I haven't really thought about what comes next or worried about the two week wait, or anything dealing with babies until this week.

We are two weeks out from my surgery.  As it gets closer I feel those same anxious feelings coming up again. Jealousy when I see other pregnant moms. Anxiety about what they will find in the surgery. Stress about what comes AFTER the surgery.  Here comes the planner in me again: We have TWO major trips planned for this summer. Trips that I am SUPER excited about!! I know my Dr. won't let me travel out of state (at least i'm pretty sure) if I do get pregnant since I'm high risk, so do I want to "wait" after our surgery, or jump right in to trying again?  I dont know! I hate being a planner! :o) I guess we will just have to wait and see what the outcome is and see what Dr. O says.

In the meantime, I'm focusing on easing my stress, having FUN {planning} our trips this summer, and loving life in the moment!

Happy Spring!