I found this song and thought it was such a good depiction about a lot of walks in our lives. Tough times, whether it be dealing with infertility, a loss, a broken marriage, or stress in general, are all valley's in our lives. They must be walked through. It may not be what we would have chosen, the path may be broken, and it's definitely not easy...but we will walk through it if you want us to Lord.
If You Want Me To Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
ya oh oh no
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to
By the way, Ginny Owens has been blind since 3 years old. Absolutely amazing lady.
If you don't know what my "marriage edition posts" are, they are comical accounts of our everyday life as a married couple. {Fights we get into, funny things we say, etc.} Don't worry... I always tell Jacob about these post if I'm blogging about a fight we've been in. :o)
April 2, 2011
I'm re-telling a story of something that happened early today. He's getting all stressed out and says to me, "I'm going to get a hemorrhoid!!" "Uhh, what? A hemorrhoid?" I say.
I had a prank pulled on me. Except it wasn't a prank. And the lady really didn't mean to. Still... ironic it was April Fool's Day.
Yesterday the booking department from Dr.O's office called and said, "We have a cancellation and an opening for your surgery next Friday do you want it?" Umm yeah!!! I was way excited.
20 minutes later a call saying "I'm so sorry, someone got to the O.R. and booked it before me."
I told her it was a mean April Fool's joke. She felt bad.
So... surgery is still on for April 29. I can wait an extra two weeks I guess. :o)
In case any of you missed the surgery announcement you can find it here.
This was my fortune I got at PF Changs this weekend. I opened it and said "Yay! My lost treasure will be here in a month!" Jacob says: "What? Your uterus?"
LOL. What?!! I still have a uterus dear. We got a good laugh out of that.
I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. Verse 15
My times are in your hands;
How abundant are the good things
that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
Verse 14
But I trust in you, LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
Trust has been hard lately. And its not that I "don't" trust God, it's more that I question Him and His timing. I know God's timing is perfect. I know He has good things stored up for me, He knows the anguish of my soul, my time is in His hands.
It helps to say these verses~these promises~over and over to keep reminding myself. I'm really not in a place of depression. I'm not angry. I guess I'm just being impatient. I feel a little lost...like I'm in limbo.Where's my kicker? (anyone watch Inception? haha) Jacob and I are both open to adoption. I feel like we probably will adopt someday. I dont know if now is the time. Maybe it is, but we haven't felt that calling quite yet. This is where I wish my direction from God would be clear. Yes adopt now, or wait, you'll get pregnant on your own. I want to start the process now if that's the road we are to take. I'm at a standstill right now. At a three way stop sign stuck in the middle. Going backwards a little even. No meds this cycle. No IUI. Waiting...
This week I found out I am definitely having the laparoscopic surgery. They will take out any remaining cysts and any endometriosis they find. I'm guessing they will find a lot! Anyway, I was happy to get the call~I've been wanting to have this surgery done for awhile now. This last cycle when I had to go home from work due to bad cramps was my last straw. I was going to FORCE my doctor to do the surgery! I'm sick of these ridiculous cramps!
My surgery is scheduled for April 29. I was bummed I have to wait a whole month but that's what happens when you go to a popular Dr and popular hospital I guess! I'm excited to see what will become of the surgery. I am on a waiting list to get in sooner, but I'm no real hopeful that that will actually happen. (But praying it does!)
Today during dinner a few of us were telling "Dr. horror stories" and I was reminded of a funny encounter Jacob had at the very beginning of this whole TTC process.
2 years ago~ shortly after we tossed out the birth control, Jacob went in for a semen analysis~we just wanted to make sure things were working. All the doctor gave him was those little plastic cups.
So we go home~ he does the deed~ I find it sorta like payback for me having to pee in a cup all the time. Hee hee. He didnt find it so funny. I guess now he has to "pee" (ahem) n a cup all the time too... not funny for either of us. Anyway, back to the story. So it's around 5:00 pm and he rushes it to the lab. Apparently everyone is trying to get their lab work in at this time before the clinic closes. He sees a bunch of people we know. (Mind you he has NO bag to put his "ingredients" in, so he's just holding it.) Flushed face, trying to shield the cup from everyone's eyes. When he finally gets up to the counter he hands it over awkwardly saying "uhh what do I do with this?" The lady says, "what is it?" Really? You can't tell? "Semen Analysis," Jacob replies. The lady proceeds to further his embarrassment by yelling to the back, "We got a Semen Analysis here! Where do these go?" Talk about wanting to shrink into a little ball! Poor guy. They then tell him they're sorry they can't take the sample because it needs a whole day to process.
They gave him another cup AND a brown bag thank goodness. :o)
Ahh the stories those of us with broken pipes have!
