Growing Up

I love Joel Osteen's Daily Scriptures I get in my email.  They are short, too the point, and always encouraging. He has a way of giving you a brighter outlook in any situation.  You should check out his website and sign up for his daily emails! 

http://www.joelosteen.com/HopeForToday/TodaysWord/Pages/TodaysWord.aspx

This one below was from a few days ago and I thought it was a great reminder on how to respond when things don't go our way. Especially when the dreams and plans we want for our lives don't come to fruition right away. 

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE

“You, therefore, must be perfect [growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, having reached the proper height of virtue and integrity], as your heavenly Father is perfect”
(Matthew 5:48, AMP)

 
TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

One thing I’ve learned is that just because God puts a dream in our hearts doesn’t mean it’s going to come to pass without any opposition. See, God is going to grow us up. He’s going to mature us. He’s going to prepare us to handle the promotion He has in store.

I think about Joseph in the Bible. Starting out, he didn’t have a whole lot of wisdom. He was young and immature, and God had to do a work in his life. Joseph probably shouldn’t have told his brothers about his dream that they would one day serve him! As you can imagine, his brothers were not nearly as excited about that as he was. Long story short, Joseph had to go through some things to grow up and be ready for the promotion God had in store.

Friend, it’s the same way with us today. You may have a dream in your heart that seems a million miles away, but just like Joseph, God can take you from the prison to the palace in one step. During the growing process, keep yourself focused on Him and allow Him to do His work in your life. Keep a humble attitude of faith before Him, and He will lead you and guide you into the destiny He has prepared for you!

I look back at the past few years and think, "Wow, I've really grown up  A LOT, in many different areas of life."  Looking back and thinking particularly about expanding our family-- if we would have gotten pregnant 2 or 3 years ago things probably would have been very different.  We are at a place in our lives now where we are content, we're financially stable, we're more trusting and work together better in our marriage, we're involved in our church, our work, and we've got some amazing friends and family will and have supported us through this whole process.  You can't always see why God allows opposition to your plans and dreams right away~ but we must trust in His process. And in this case, we DID have some growing up to do.

Now that we're getting closer to taking another step and starting the whole TTC process again, I feel more confident and at peace. We have never wavered from knowing God is in control, and we have definitely been humbled.  I pray that He will lead and guide us to the destiny He has prepared for us and pray that we have the courage and endurance to stay the course He's chosen... and I pray that for all of you too!

More Drugs

So I called the nurse Wednesday, didnt get a call back until Thursday evening where I explained I was miserable with the side effects of the Lupron and even more miserable with the constant bleeding.  She said she would talk to Dr.O and get back to me. So today she called back and I was HOPING they would say stop taking lupron and we'll just move on.

Nope- what did they do? Give me MORE DRUGS. I might have had a minor breakdown. 

I hate taking medicine unless I'm "actually" sick. I just think it's doing more harm than good pumping me full of hormones and crap. I've really been struggling with this lately. I've been a little depressed and slightly worried. I mean, these aren't just your typical antibiotics. I dont get to stop taking them after a week. These are heavy duty, serious side effects, potentially some big problems down the road kind of drugs. Obviously doctors give them to you because they think those risks outweigh the current issue, but still.  I'm just not comfortable with it.  But I'm also not comfortable just giving up this whole infertility process quite yet.  I feel like I'm stuck and dont know where to go.

A good friend of mine wrote this on her blog and it's very fitting:

Corrie ten Boom used to say, "When the train goes through a tunnel and the world gets dark, do you jump out? Of course not. You sit still and trust the engineer to get you through." 

We need to hear that God is still in control. We need to hear that it's not over until he says so. We need to hear that life's mishaps and tragedies are not a reason to bail out. They are simply a reason to sit tight.  

Next time your disappointed, don't panic. Don't jump out. Don't give up. Just be patient and let God remind you he's still in control. It ain't over till it's over.

 

So here I am. Waiting on God. Praying for direction. Praying He will get me through this storm. Sitting on the train, scared and confused in the dark, but nonetheless trusting the engineer to get us to the light at the end of the tunnel. Trusting that God is in control. Trying to "hear" that it's not over until He says so. And determined not to bail out.

Blessings

I found this video and song lyrics on a blogger friend's site.

I thought it's lyrics were so touching and is relate-able to a lot of us in a variety of situations! 

 

{Enjoy}

 

 

 

Blessings
By: Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need

Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise?

Wait

 Wait: A Poem

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait, you say, wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?

I'm needing a "yes", a go-ahead sign,
Or even a "no" to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry,
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

The quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting . . . for what?"

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, But you wouldn't know Me.

"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save . . . for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My Heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My Grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
my most precious answer of all is still, 'Wait.'"


-Author Unknown

 

 

Here I am... waiting. But I'm surprisingly ok with it this time. Yes, it would be nice to have a YES or NO answer but God is CLEARLY telling me to WAIT.

I started the first of my Lupron shots today.

 

 

 I'll take this shot once a month for six months. I am excited to not have a period for that long! Lupron will stop everything--ovulation, regular cycling,etc. No cramps, no tampons, no food cravings... yes! Although I have heard that this shot will likely give you hot flashes. Guess I'll have the AC on a lot this summer! Hopefully this will allow my body to heal up enough and get my baby making parts in prime shape. :o)  The one BIG drawback of this drug is the cost. It's almost $400 per shot. Ouch. That hurts. I don't think we'll be buying another car...or much of anything anytime soon!

Here's what I do know though. In my waiting I am {trusting} in the Lord. I'm {choosing} to be joyful. I'm {giving}my finances to Him. I'm {living}life to the fullest.  I'm {searching}for more of Him.

 

God is faithful. 

 

His plan is perfect. 

I am resting in His peace.

A Sweet Prayer

Hallelujah, we praise You, O Lord, for You give children to the childless wife, so that she becomes a happy mother. 

We thank You that YOU are the one Who is building our family. As Your children and inheritors through Jesus Christ, we receive Your gift, YOUR child as our reward.

Thank you Whitney for sharing this wonderful prayer with me {and for sharing the vision you saw!}

The Countdown Has Begun!

Today--Good Friday--marks one week until my surgery! I'm starting to get nervous now. This is why I wanted to do it right away and jumped at the chance to fill in a cancellation (see April Fool's Day post). I wouldn't have had time to be nervous. That's how I like to do things like this--schedule it right away and get it over with otherwise I will fret about it.

Well I made it about a month and a half without fretting. I've been excited mostly. Now I'm nervous and wanting to get on with it! No thanks to {my wonderful} husband who started asking those stupid "what-if" questions last night. "Why would you ask that to a hypochondriac?" I asked. He just laughed and laughed. Yeah... keep laughing buddy! You'll be in the hospital next. :o) haha.  

Today I have an appointment with my regular family Dr. to discuss recent bloodwork about my thyroid. I wanted to get his opinion on the results before my surgery. Then Tuesday my pre-op appointment!

The rest of today's plans: 

Booking a trip to Florida (yay!)

Coloring eggs with niece and nephew

Good Friday service

{maybe}seeing Water for Elephants

Enjoy the sunshine                                     

Here's some pictures from Duke's 6th Birthday on Wednesday. I always get him toys and make him treats! He's so spoiled. I put Happy Birthday to him on Facebook and Jacob says "Duke gets more Happy Birthday's than I do!" Haha!

 This was his favorite toy!

{Happy Good Friday!} 

"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.'"
- John 11:25-26

I Trust in You Lord

PSALM 31

Verse 6

I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
   for you saw my affliction
   and knew the anguish of my soul.
^{Verse 15}

  My times are in your hands; 

How abundant are the good things
   that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
   on those who take refuge in you.  

Verse 14

But I trust in you, LORD;
   I say, “You are my God.” 

Trust has been hard lately. And its not that I "don't" trust God, it's more that I question Him and His timing. I know God's timing is perfect. I know He has good things stored up for me, He knows the anguish of my soul, my time is in His hands.

It helps to say these verses~these promises~over and over to keep reminding myself.  I'm really not in a place of depression. I'm not angry. I guess I'm just being impatient. I feel a little lost...like I'm in limbo. Where's my kicker? (anyone watch Inception? haha) Jacob and I are both open to adoption. I feel like we probably will adopt someday.  I dont know if now is the time. Maybe it is, but we haven't felt that calling quite yet.  This is where I wish my direction from God would be clear. Yes adopt now, or wait, you'll get pregnant on your own. I want to start the process now if that's the road we are to take. I'm at a standstill right now. At a three way stop sign stuck in the middle. Going backwards a little even. No meds this cycle. No IUI. Waiting...

This week I found out I am definitely having the laparoscopic surgery. They will take out any remaining cysts and any endometriosis they find. I'm guessing they will find a lot! Anyway, I was happy to get the call~I've been wanting to have this surgery done for awhile now. This last cycle when I had to go home from work due to bad cramps was my last straw. I was going to FORCE my doctor to do the surgery! I'm sick of these ridiculous cramps! 

My surgery is scheduled for April 29. I was bummed I have to wait a whole month but that's what happens when you go to a popular Dr and popular hospital I guess! I'm excited to see what will become of the surgery. I am on a waiting list to get in sooner, but I'm no real hopeful that that will actually happen. (But praying it does!)

God's Destiny

"His favor is for a lifetime..." Psalm 30:5

“I have an advantage. God is in control of my destiny. He’s fighting my battles for me. He is my vindicator, and it’s just a matter of time before things change in my favor. I love the scripture in Hebrews that says, “Don’t cast away your confidence.” One translation says, “...for payday is coming.” In the difficult times, you have to remind yourself that payday is on its way! God is a faithful God. If you’ll keep doing the right thing, honoring Him and expecting His favor, God has promised He will pay you back. He will restore everything in your life that the enemy has stolen so you can live the abundant life He has promised to you." Joel Osteen

I love this...for payday is coming. It is a daily battle sometimes to REALLY believe that God has favor on you when you are going through trials and tribulation. But it IS true and we need to get this ingrained into our minds and spirits. Yes, God is faithful. He will restore you. He will give you abundant life.

{Sometimes it is not the life we expected. But it will be an abundant, fulfilling, purposeful life if we keep on fighting the good fight, honoring and obeying God's commands.}

I read this devotional on a Fellow Infertility Blogger post:

One reason God doesn’t give you the full picture of his plans for your life is that you may be overwhelmed by what you see. For instance, it may appear impossible for you to complete everything he plans for you during this Decade of Destiny. But that’s the point—there’s no way you can fulfill your mission without God empowering you.

I know I sure would have been overwhelmed if I could've seen my journey ahead of time. But we ask God all the time to show us what He wants us to do. We want him to reveal his plans for us~and then we often don't take the path that He has chosen. We are to choose God's no matter what. Trust in Him. He knows what He is doing~He knows what is best for us.

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

 

 

{God gave me the desire to be a mother.} 

It was the first desire I had growing up (well...besides being a princess).

It has never went away. 

Only grown stronger. 

 

Delight in me and I will give you

the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

 

 

 {Rejoice in the Lord today. Thank Him for your trials. Exalt Him for refining you in the fire. Delight in the fact that You have favor in His eyes. 

Praise Him for He will give you the desires of your heart.}

The Lord reigns. Let the earth be glad. Let the distance shores rejoice. 

Clouds and thick darkness surround him. 

Righteousness and Justice are the foundations of His throne.

Fire goes before Him and consumes His foes one every side. 

His lightning lights up the world. 

The earth sees and trembles, the mountains melt like wax before the Lord. 

Before the Lord of all the earth the heavens proclaim His Righteousness 

and all people will see His Glory.

I also wanted to give a quick shout out to another 

new blogger friend. 

Her and her husband have an amazing story and some 

GREAT news they shared recently.

She has been an encouragement to me through her blog. 

So check her out!

God Provides

Recently through a random chain of events, we were able to pay off our credit card.  We'd been working hard to save for the past couple years and were SLOWLY paying it off.  Then in December, we got in a car accident {praise the Lord we were not hurt badly} 

 Normally I would view this as a horrible event... BUT  due to an insurance pay out {yay for Aflac!}, a random winning of a drawing at our bank {$500!}, and the extra money we'd been saving in our savings account, we were able to pay off the last $3500! Praise the Lord! 

What a sigh of relief to have that payment taken away! And just as we made that last {big} payment to the credit card company, we got our first Infertility bill. And guess what? We were paying $200 a month on our credit card, and our bill for our Dr.'s office is $200 a month! I dont think we would have been able to pay both of those bills at the same time! 

God is good- and God provides~

in ways that are the least expected~

In Perfect Timing